I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
