Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
