Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
