i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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