I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
