My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize