Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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