there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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