shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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