well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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