piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
