I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.