he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.