lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?