Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.