u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.