Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.

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(508): my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter. http://tfl.nu/lkrq

Replies (14) Good night (675) Bad night (3331)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.

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(910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise. http://tfl.nu/ewvs

Replies (40) Good night (2263) Bad night (1063)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.

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(724): I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/hgte

Replies (48) Good night (950) Bad night (5909)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?

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(609): What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion? http://tfl.nu/x6xu

Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (2035)
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(516): View more from New York

my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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(516): my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing http://tfl.nu/sqvp

Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (1434)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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(218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53

Replies (18) Good night (852) Bad night (3131)
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(716): View more from New York

i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.

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(716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs. http://tfl.nu/9d6u

Replies (10) Good night (1587) Bad night (788)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you

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(920): June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you http://tfl.nu/uk7y

Replies (9) Good night (1433) Bad night (523)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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(203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw

Replies (22) Good night (3200) Bad night (977)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."

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(302): Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back." http://tfl.nu/49s7

Replies (14) Good night (823) Bad night (2799)
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(785): View more from Kansas

DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.

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(785): DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS. http://tfl.nu/jicq

Replies (14) Good night (1133) Bad night (520)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

(847): View more from Illinois

i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

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(773): I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off. (847): i think the last part kind of negates the first part there http://tfl.nu/g7hy

Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (471)
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(550): View more from

I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.

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(550): I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone. http://tfl.nu/3axh

Replies (4) Good night (1077) Bad night (388)
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(317): View more from Indiana

My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.

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(317): My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago. http://tfl.nu/ox4y

Replies (5) Good night (745) Bad night (356)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.

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(702): Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk. http://tfl.nu/mqdu

Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (186)

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