toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.