Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to calm my uterus...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
