I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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