Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
