Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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