Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
