just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
