ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
