He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
