And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
