We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
