Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
