She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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