I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
