Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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