You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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