it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Less talking, more tequila
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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