I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
