Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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