i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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