No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
