We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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