nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
