4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
