i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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