he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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