You made me cry and you don't even care
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
