I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize