So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
