she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
