True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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