People in love make me want to vomit
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
