I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
