this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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