I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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