just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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