Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
