I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
