you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
