awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
