The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
