I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
