The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
