Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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