I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
