Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
