standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
don't judge my taste in strippers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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