either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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