she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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