thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
