How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize