the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
