i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
