remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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