Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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