you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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