i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
